A Love the World Has Forgotten
The present world is hyper-sexualised, and the true meaning of marriage and family is often lost within it. The plague of utilitarianism has distorted the beauty and grandeur of the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Failing to realize the vocation they are called to, husbands and wives now seek materialistic things from marriage rather than living out its deeper purpose.
Bone of My Bones: Love as Vocation
In the apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope St. John Paul II recognizes the very purpose of human existence, reiterating the vocation of love for which we are created:
"Creating the human race in His own image and continually keeping it in being, God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being."
Marriage is the visible sign of Christ's love for the Church, and through this sacrament, husbands and wives become capable of loving each other the way Christ loved us (Eph 5:22–33). By virtue of its sacramentality and the language of their bodies, spouses are called to live this vocation the way Christ loved the Church — by giving themselves as a total, free, faithful, and fruitful gift to the other.
Brother and Sister in a Special Way
This imagery of spousal love shared by husband and wife also carries a fraternal character. St. John Paul II states that through marriage, man and woman become brother and sister in a special way (TOB 114:3).
Let us take a deeper look at this fraternal thread that runs through Scripture, both implicitly and explicitly.
Sister Before Bride: The Song of Songs
"How sweet is your love, my sister, my bride!" — Song of Songs 4:10
The fraternal nature of spousal love is implicitly seen in the Song of Songs, a beautiful poem that prophetically symbolizes Christ's love for the Church. In it, the lover repeatedly calls his beloved "sister" before calling her bride — an invitation to all married couples to be like brother and sister in their relationship, resonating with Adam's words in Genesis: "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh."
In living this unique relationship, the wife feels as close and safe with her husband as with her brother. And like a brother born to share adversity (Prov 17:17), the husband takes up his brotherly role to care for his wife in all difficulties and hardships. While the wife feels more secure in the relationship, for the husband this poses a challenge — a challenge to examine his own motives (TOB 109:4): whether he is drawn by love, or by lust.
Not of Lust, But of Sincerity: The Book of Tobit
"I now am taking this sister of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy." — Tobit 8:7
The fraternal nature rooted in marital love is seen even more explicitly in the Book of Tobit. Recognizing his wife as sister, Tobias acknowledges that his love for Sarah is not one of lust, but of disinterested love. By kneeling before the Lord in prayer and offering himself as a priceless and sincere gift to his wife, Tobias lives — unlike the seven husbands Sarah lost to death.
The love supported by prayer, expressed in Tobias, is revealed to be stronger than death (JPII, General Audience of 27 June 1984). The love Tobias and Sarah share for each other is analogous to Christ's love for the Church, and it is to this same marital love that man and woman are called.
Persons to Love, Not Objects to Use
The emergence of the sexual revolution, followed by the legalization of abortion, has dehumanized individuals into "objects of use." Utilitarian culture has twisted the purpose of marriage and family — and it is precisely in this context that St. John Paul II points to the fraternal nature of spousal love.
The fraternal association expressed in the Song of Songs and the Book of Tobit helps married couples treat each other as persons capable of love, not as objects of use. Embracing selfless and authentic love, spouses are called to live in this fraternity — one that helps them fulfill their vocation and lead a chaste life within marriage.
